Joe Jackson, manager of the Jackson Five and father of the late pop star Michael Jackson, was always there when his children needed him. His tough love and generous giving is now extended to a new generation of young Jacksons, as he's pledged his support behind Michael's orphaned children Blanket, Paris, and Prince.
"I will raise these kids like they was my own," a profusely sweating, menacing Joe Jackson swore to news cameras on Tuesday night. "Children today have no discipline. They need a routine, regular beatings, deprivation of basic food and water, that old chestnut. If these children don't vomit when they see me, I'm not doing my job!"
"This heeby jeeby happy sleepover business ends today!" Joe yelled as he slammed his fist down on the podium repeatedly, pointing at the children.
Jackson's plans are to mold the children into shape along the same lines as he did with his own children, the Jackson Five, in the 1960s and 70s. He plans on instituting a 20-hour day with a 4 AM wake-up immediately, and vows that the children "will spend their waking hours learning how to sing and dance or die trying." He continued by demonstrating the proper way to execute a backhand slap 
on a child who is "mouthin' off," and even went as far as to show the crowd the black leather belt that he used to hit Jackie, Jermaine, Tito, Marlon, and Michael with to "beat the devil out of him." Although Jackson turns 81 later this month, he swears that his "pistol-whip is as strong as ever."
"And one more thing," Jackson continued, "what the hell kind of a name is Blanket? Or Prince? We're going to have to get their names changed away from that fantasyland crap. We're going with normal names from now on, dammit, like Joseph! Or Tito! Or Toyota!"
- THE EDITOR
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Joe Jackson Vows To Raise Michael's Kids As If They Were His Own
Posted by Bill at 7:54 AM
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3 comments:
I nearly died from laughing at this article. Good stuff!
i hope he doesnt really do that.i mean i respect him, but thats gone too far and besides their orphans.they need care and love like mj did.mj did say he didnt want to treat his kids like his father treated him andhis brothers.i mean joe dont you think thats too harsh.besides, prince, paris and blanket are names that are easy to remember and they are well disciplined.
I really hope he doesnt do that, those kids are really adorable, and michael is the person that should care of them but... i hope joe don't do those things that he did with michael and his brothers
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