Harry Reid Sends Terminator Back In Time To Murder Joe Lieberman Prior To November 2006 Elections

After fighting for a public option in the hotly-contested health care reform bill for much of the past year, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid felt the need to take drastic action early Tuesday morning. In a shocking turn of events, the latest and most severe threat to the proposal came within his own party. Connecticut Senator Joseph Lieberman revoked his support of expanding Medicare to include citizens as young as 55 when he deemed the proposal "extremely expensive," the only Democratic senator to voice opposition.

"Get me the folks from Cyberdyne on the phone," Reid told his assistant, who dialed the California-based robotics company from her Blackberry.

For the past 15 and future 36 years, Cyberdyne Systems has led the marketplace in time-travelling, contracted killer robot assassins, led by their sentient and self-aware CEO Skynet. While Skynet plans on destroying most of the planet in 2018 via self-assured nuclear holocaust, since the mid-90s the company has funded their research and plutonium purchasing through murdering public figures for-profit, made famous by the 1984, 1991, 2003, 2009, and 2014 documentaries. Prior successful assassinations include leader of the resistance John Conner, President John F. Kennedy, Archduke Franz Ferdinand, and Tiger Woods' reputation.

After making the phone call and hence altering the course of history, Reid went back onto the Senate floor expecting to see Lieberman's seat taken by another individual. Reid was shocked to see Lieberman's name plate still at his seat, and the senator joking with Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. Reid ran out of the Capital Building, failing to notice that this version of Lieberman had only one arm.

After deficit-spending an additional $1.8 billion from the US Treasury for the contract, Reid was incensed at its failure. "Dammit, Skynet, you told me he'd be dead!" Reid screamed into his phone after getting the supercomputer back on the line. "I mean, I'm not mad at adding to public debt. That's what I do! We can always pass the debt on to our children and their children, with interest - there's no problem there. But what do we do now?!?"

Reid's options include sending a second robot to kill Lieberman as a teenager in Stamford in the late 50s, or to assassinate his mother prior to his birth. "Can we maybe get one that's made of liquid metal this time," Reid asked. "That just looks cool."

- THE EDITOR