Pete Carroll Completely Freezes Upon Realization That Women In Seattle At Least 845% Less Attractive Than Women In Southern California

During his introductory press conference as head coach of the National Football League's Seattle Seahawks, Pete Carroll completely froze for at least 12 minutes upon the sad and sudden realization that women in Seattle are several hundred times less attractive than the women in Southern California.

"I received a ton of support while at USC," Carroll's sentence began midway through his introductory speech. "I received it from the players, coaches, university staff, from the men and women of Southern... California..."

Reporters in the back of the conference room were not sure what was going on, but those in the first row, close enough to see what was going on behind the podium, got the idea relatively quickly.

"He had a massive boner," ESPN's Adam Schefter reported on his Twitter feed. "But when he realized that he wasn't going to be staring at insanely attractive women in bathing suits and skimpy outfits in year-round 80-degree weather, he suffered a total boner kill. I mean, it rains here 300 days out of the year. Why in the hell didn't he think of this sooner?"

"And judging by the look on his face as he left the conference with his wife," Schefter continued, "he had some 'splaining to do."

- THE EDITOR