Pissed-Off Moses Upset Nobody Asks Him To Help With Tablet-Related Announcements Anymore

For the last six thousand years, when you needed someone to deliver a message in tablet form to the people of earth, Moses was your man. The Book of Exodus tells the story of Moses leading the Israelites out of bondage in Egypt, ascending Mount Sinai to receive the Ten Commandments, and delivering them on two stone tablets to the people.

Times change, and Moses, who still fancies himself the go-to guy for tablet-related announcements, feels left out once again with today's news of the iPad.

"Verily I say unto you," Moses told a group of reporters just outside the Canaan wilderness, "if thou desireth to deliver any word to the Chosen Ones in doth form of the sacred tablet, I'm still your man."

"The truth shall be sown: I speak not with faltering lips. If I'm good enough for our Lord, I'm good enough for Steve Jobs. Why has thou done this evil to me, Steve Jobs? How long will you refuse to humble yourself before me?"

A source that wished to remain anonymous revealed the real reason Moses wasn't contacted about the iPad. "Apple was worried he would smash them into bits in a fit of rage, like he did with the original Ten Commandments. Especially if he gets wind of the golden calf we have set up as a fountain in the lobby.

"One look at that thing, and it's all over. Smash, boom."

-THE EDITOR