America Collectively Wakes Up From Horrible Nightmare In Which Lakers Win Back-To-Back NBA Championships

In a strange phenomena worthy of a science fiction movie, America collectively woke up on Friday morning haunted by a frightening and terrible dream in which the Los Angeles Lakers won the 2010 NBA Championship.

"Oh, man, it was awful," recounts resident Joe Arnone of Denver, Colorado. "In my dream, Kobe 'Rapist' Bryant was prancing about the basketball court with his arms flailing and his tongue wagging uncontrollably, like some kind of drugged-up, sex-crazed porn star. It was truly horrendous."

Many from across the country can recount very specific details from the mass nightmare that somehow corroborate. Kate Johnson and Julie Walsh, roommates in Bloomington, Illinois, both had nearly identical recollections of the dream game seven. "I remember the Celtics were up by double digits, and then it was like their offense just stopped dead in it's tracks," Johnson recounts. "It was like watching an inept plumber try to free-up a clogged toilet." Walsh added, "I thought it was really weird that the dream Celtics couldn't get a single rebound in traffic. It gives me the shivers to think about it."

"Thank goodness it was only a bad dream."

-THE EDITOR