Entire Media Conspiring To Hide Blake Lively's Massive Farting Problem

Since emerging in 2005's Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants and 2007's Gossip Girl, the print, online, and broadcast media have conspired to hide Blake Lively's most shocking secret: that she has massive and uncontrollable flatulence belting from her underside all day long.

"Her farts can peel paint," Editor-In-Chief of Vogue Magazine Anna Wintour revealed to Entertainment Tonight reporter Kevin Frazier. "She farts in the morning, she farts at night, at all and any hours of the day. That woman produces more methane than the American beef industry."

Ryan Reynolds, co-star with Lively in the upcoming "Green Lantern" movie, confirmed the reports when interviewed outside of his home in Los Angeles. "Oh, Blake, yes, she's a farting machine. Halfway through the movie, they had to outfit my Green Lantern costume with a mask just to keep the raw odor from making me lightheaded."

Unnamed sources reveal that numerous common remedies to Lively's flatulence have been completely and totally ineffective. "Avoiding milk and dairy products, Beano, Acidophillis - these are all very tried and true methods to reduce anal odor," said Indianapolis physician Dr. Gary Anderson. The source says that Lively has tried every single one of these methods, yet still farts like a fat kid at a burrito-eating contest night and day.

- THE EDITOR